Let’s Talk: Body Confidence

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Rupaul fans, do I hear ya? You can’t talk body confidence without the great Rupaul, am I right!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my fitness, and it’s linked heavily to my body confidence. The more I’ve been working on it, the more I’ve looked into body confidence in general, and I think it’s a really important thing to talk about. So, for today’s post, I’m taking a little look into it, and the things I’ve discovered just over the last couple of weeks. If you take just one thing away from this post, I’ll be happy!

My Personal Body Confidence History

While I was running the other day I was listening to the Alice Liveing podcast, and it was really interesting. She was interviewing Women’s Health editor, Claire Sanderson, and they were talking about their history of body confidence. They both agreed that they’d had problems with worrying about having had growth spurts, and having bigger boobs than the other girls. When they were changing for PE in the school changing rooms they were embarrassed because of it.

In that moment, it made me think – I did that too. Except, my problem was the opposite – I didn’t grow until I was at college, and – honestly – I’m still waiting for my boobs to kick in. I used to be so scared of the changing room because of it, and I would end up twisting myself all up in my tops just trying to get changed and to avoid showing anything skin to anyone else.

But listening to the podcast made me think – all the other girls in the room were probably feeling the same feelings about themselves.

Words Become Feelings

You’ve got the comments said to actually hurt, which we’ve all had at some point. You get into an argument and they snap back with something personal about your looks. Understandably those are gonna hurt.

Secondly, there’s the comments said in teasing. Maybe among a group of friends, you’ll pick on someone for one thing or another. You might think it’s fine, because you’re just joking, but make sure the person receiving the comments feels the same way.

Lastly, there’s there’s the negative-positives. I had this for a lot of my younger years. I used to get the comments of ‘You’re so skinny, I’m so jealous!’ and ‘I just don’t know where your food goes!’. They’re innocent comments just said in passing, and chances are the speaker won’t even be thinking about them a minute later. But I was left constantly thinking about how skinny and scrawny I was, all the time. And my body confidence took a huge knock for it, for a really long time.

The thing to do is to remember that words become feelings. What is just a fleeting comment from you might stick with them, and maybe even hurt them. Personally, mine have stuck with me for most of my life until I’ve recognised that they’re just comments that weren’t meant to hurt. But it’s the old trick of thinking before you speak. You won’t be able to stop it every time, but at least try.

Treat Others with Kindness

You don’t know what insecurities someone might have, so it’s best not to use them. Like with my personal body confidence, no one would realise that saying I was skinny was a big thing for me, but it was. Obviously there’s always going to be some things that don’t even cross your mind, but always be kind. That way you’ll avoid the impact as much as possible.

Take Time to Discover Yourself

Body confidence is different for everyone – you might love your curves, or you might love that you’re muscly. Finding my body confidence isn’t complete just yet, but it’s taken me a long while to get this far. I’ve had to figure out what brings out my confidence, and what works for me.

Take time to work that out, and don’t worry if you mess up – you’ll have to change your route a lot most likely. My way of finding mine was through trying new things, and I wasn’t even looking to find it. I decided to try and get fit, and while doing that discovered it was what gave me more body confidence. And I’ve tried different things in the past, as well as having tried exercise in the past, and it hasn’t worked. So take your time, but be keen to try.

Everyone Loses Confidence

You can read pretty much any magazine interview with a celebrity, where they’re posing confidently on the cover, and you’d never think of them having confidence issues. Chances are you’re wrong. No one is confident 100% of the time, everyone has off days, and everyone gets knocks. Even if you’re just having a day when your hair isn’t right, or if it’s a day where nothing fills you with your confidence.

Everyone has it, everyone knows how it feels. And, everyone handles it and covers it up differently. Don’t think that just because that friend who always wears amazing clothes struts around with amazing self-confidence, that they don’t have days when they just want to put on slouchy clothes and avoid all mirrors. We’re all human, and we all have feelings.

Don’t Compare, There’s No Two Stories Identical

I think it’s really good to talk about your body confidence problems, but not to compare. Just in one conversation it’ll go from ‘My thighs are too big’ to ‘You’re lucky, mine are too small’, and then you’ve both just highlighted to yourselves what’s holding you back. Don’t compare yourself, your confidence-problems, or your progress in finding your confidence with anyone else.

Instead, use talking about it to discover that you’re not alone in having issues at all. You might be surprised who you find having body confidence issues. And it’ll probably be about something on themselves that you’re jealous of.

Work for You, No One Else

There’s no worse comment when you’ve been working on yourself than when someone says, ‘I think you looked better when…’. Even if it’s just a new haircut, it can crush you. But, if you’ve worked hard to get to the point where you are, and you’re feeling the confidence, don’t let them bring you down over it. Remember why you aimed for this in the first place, and praise yourself for getting there.

When you think of yourself, I want you to think confidence. I don’t want anyone telling you something to break down your confidence wall. If you leave the house with confidence, bring it right back with you.

Make Your Influences Work For You

Not the other way around. There’s always a lot of talk about how bad social media can be for your self-esteem – and it totally can. But it can also be a really great place to be. I’ve spent time tailoring my social media, mainly my Instagram, so that it’s an inspiring place for me to be. Rather than seeing photos of other people that make me think less of myself, I fill it with the ones that make me feel good. And the ones that hit the right level of making me work harder, like realistic fitness accounts.

And that’s not to say that the same ones will work for everyone. It may be that you look at a fitness account and it makes you feel rubbish. Work that out, and make it work for you.

This one might take a while, but if you get a free minute take some time to work it out for yourself. Sit down, and have a flick through Instagram. Take a note of what makes you feel inspired and great about yourself, and what makes you feel low. Then use this to tailor your social media. Make it work for you, don’t become a prisoner to it.

Five Pioneers of Body Confidence (IMO)

Helen Anderson – YouTuber and influencer, Helen Anderson, is one of the most body-positive people online right now. She fully embraces her shape and body and spreads the message to everyone.

Alice Liveing – One of the people who set me off on this whole post, she’s a fitness coach with a totally realistic view on it. She’s open about her own struggles with body positivity, and shares workouts that you can do in your living room.

Natalie Glaze – Co-creator of Stay Wild Swimwear, a very positive Instagrammer.

Emily Simpson – I had to pop a Real Housewife on here somewhere, and the one I’ve chosen is Emily Simpson. She preaches positivity after not having the best time from online haters when she first starred on our tvs.

Bethan Webb – not afraid to share her struggles and bad days, but also shows you the good. A great inspiration for body positivity and acceptance.

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