Remember when I was doing the weekly Lockdown Diaries? And then I did a big finale post for them where I summed up the things I’d learnt during my time in lockdown – well, that was four months ago, in June. October’s coming to an end, and I’m still in my own kind of lockdown – I am allowed to go out with the rules now, but I’m still not back to work, and I’m still not back to my old way of life.
I don’t think I’ve said this before, but when I was driving home from another long day working in the travel industry that was rapidly falling apart – in March – and I received a text from a friend saying that the lockdown was happening, I cried. Then I cried again when I went to the office the next morning to collect my working-from-home things. I was scared, and I didn’t want to be isolated at home.
Then, the first month of furlough came. I was so excited to have a three-week break from work. I love my job, but having three-months off with – almost all my – pay was like a dream come true. All the hobbies and tasks I wanted to do were added to the agenda. I started doing morning workouts everyday, I signed up to an abundance of online courses – I was planning to go back after a personal ‘glow-up’.
May came, and the furlough was extended by a month. Not so bad, my birthday was in May, and I thought I was going to be one of the few who got to experience a birthday during lockdown. I made the most of it, and carried on with my big plans for coming out a changed person.
At the end of May I received another furlough extension. Then July was furloughed. Then August. By the time the furlough update came for September I was over my time off. I think September was the month I cried again. September was also the month that I started to lose it a bit with the motivation. Rather than doing workouts and online courses I just wanted to laze around and play video games. To make it worse, everyone else started heading back to work.
With under ten days left of my seven month long furlough, it’s an odd feeling to be going through. I’m desperate to go back to work, even knowing that the work life I’m going back to is completely different from the one I left in March. I also originally felt the stress of making sure I was making the most of my time, but with seven months I’ve almost passed that now – I’m over it.
Now, the feeling is about the strangest it’s been through all this so far. Finally what I’ve been waiting for for seven months is coming up fast, but I’m worried about not having the lifestyle I’ve had this year so far. I’ve made myself totally free with my time, and suddenly that’s coming to an end. As well, there’s an anxious feeling about going out everyday, and seeing other people.
And on that note, what will they be like – will they have changed? And will they think that I’ve changed?
With all this, there’s nothing else to do but sit back and enjoy my final week of ‘freedom’. Watch this space!
xx
