We’ve been living in the honeymoon period of having a baby, but we’ve definitely learned some lessons from our first weeks with a newborn.
Your life completely changes, but there have been so many things people have said to me that either have or haven’t been true. So far. I was being told horror stories about not having time for any hobbies anymore. I wouldn’t ever have my before-baby body back. I’d have zero sleep and be either depressed or exhausted. Someone even laughed when I said I’d bought a coffee cup holder for the pushchair. Their lessons for life with a newborn were more intimidating than helpful.
But going into the first few weeks with an open mind has allowed me to make the lessons for myself. As soon as you get into motherhood you’ll realise that not many people talk about their experience thoroughly, so there’s every chance you’ll feel like you’re the odd one out.
But I’ve got the things I’ve learned for myself so far, and I hope these help a new mother settle into her motherhood era. Let’s talk, people!
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It’s a long process of healing – Don’t beat yourself up
I had this idea in my head that we’d leave the hospital and immediately go out for cute pushchair walks. But it’s not like that at all. Some days I made it from the bedroom to the sofa, especially in the early days. I was in a lot of pain all the time, I was obviously sore. And I was readjusting to my new routine. The first few days I did feel sad that I wasn’t out and about.
I even felt sad while I was in the hospital. I’ll be honest, I couldn’t walk the first two days. I was bed-bound for most of the first day. And I hated it. I was very lucky that Spinney was by my side and he took on pretty much all of the dad duties from the off. But I felt total guilt as a new mum. I did start to beat myself up about it, watching the other mums walking around much quicker. But everyone is different, and it’s more important to not rush things.
Also, can we just appreciate – my belly did not disappear as soon as Joaquin was out. What’s even in there keeping it inflated!
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
This goes two ways, in my case. Number one, the obvious asking family for help. We’ve been so lucky that our family lives close, and they’ve been helping by making us meals and picking up shopping for us. Don’t feel guilty for letting them help like this – chances are they want to help, especially when you’re in the first stages of just staying in your little bubble.
But also make use of the NHS midwife helpline. I was one of those classic ‘I don’t want to be a bother’ up until now. But this time I’ve used the number to ask for advice a couple of times. Now I don’t want to end up in hospital because I didn’t check something, or I don’t want to make myself unwell because I’m too nervous to ask a question. Every time I’ve called the midwives have been really sympathetic and reassured me that ringing them is the right thing to do. They’ve never patronised me or told me off for time wasting, so please don’t be afraid to speak to them.
Talk to other mums about their experiences
Something I’ve learned is that every mum has either traumatic experiences or embarrassing stories to tell. No one tells you in conversation about that time they wet themselves after giving birth, or the different pains they felt. And I think it’s really important to do. Most of the things that I’ve gone through have made me wonder if I’m the only one, especially because we didn’t have a straightforward birth. But once you mention it to another mum, they pretty much always say ‘me too’. And suddenly I feel totally normal again.
There’s still time for self-care
Not only that, but it’s also more important now than ever. When you feel like you need a ten-minute break from the baby, make sure you can take it. My time at the moment has been my morning shower, then I quickly go through my new morning routine, and then I feel ready to start the day afresh. It’s so important to have time to yourself, so make sure you can squeeze some time in somewhere.
It’s okay to be a little bit selfish
You’ll only be in this bubble for a limited amount of time. Then it’s back to work, and your baby is grown up. So be selfish. Everyone will want to see you and the baby, but don’t let them in until you’re ready. If it only takes a few days, that’s great. If it’s a week, fine. If you spend a whole month just soaking in the experience of your new family, then other people will have to wait their turn.
I had a real emotional moment when I realised that for a small moment at the hospital, no one other than us knew that our family had grown. Even those closest to us would have no idea that we’d had our baby. And that’s really touching when you think about it. Don’t lose that moment too soon because you feel like you need to share it with anyone.
Go out and about as soon as you feel ready
My advice with this one is to get it done. Obviously only once you and your body feel ready. But it’s a huge milestone to just through. If you leave it too long you risk making yourself anxious. It’s a new experience trying to get out of the house with a newborn, and there’s a lot to think about. Have I packed everything, do I have enough food? Is Joaquin dressed appropriately for the weather? I found it a huge challenge, but getting it done early on helped me get over it a lot.
Suddenly, nothing else will ever matter as much as your baby
Maybe an obvious one, but so true. Anything that mattered to me before has taken a back seat. I still care, but now Joaquin is my number one. It’s an amazing feeling that you don’t appreciate in full until it happens. I knew it would happen because everyone told me it would. But when it does, it’s huge.
And that’s my lessons learned so far. I’m sure there’s lots more for me to pick up on, but so far my main priority has become adjusting and appreciating. I hope this helps someone somewhere, and I’d love to hear any lessons you learned.
